My road trip has a mission
This road I travel is not an easy one. My destination is thwarted by a multitude of road blocks. Some of my own making, some made by others, some by financial restrictions and some by the great unknown. I pile all that I am and all that I have into my car. With great determination, expectation, joy and trepidation, I start the car and pull out of the comfort zone of my home base. To make my dreams a reality, to reach my true destination, and above all, to follow the call God has put upon my life. This is why I’m on this road trip.
Warning: Bumpy road ahead
I turn on the tunes, roll down the windows and enjoy the scenery that passes me by. My car jerks, I hit my head on the ceiling. I pull over to look for potential damage. I’m in once piece, and so is my car. I notice a sign that I missed. I walk back and read it, it’s not that far. “Warning, bumpy road ahead.”
Note to self, pay attention for warning signs. I look down the road and am not impressed. The way is filled with pot holes so deep my car could disappear into them.
“Would you like me to drive?” A voice within me asks.
“No, Lord, I’m good. I can do this, but thanks.”
Would you like me to drive?
I get back in and turn the tunes off. I need to concentrate. I steer my way around each pot hole. I only skid sideways slightly once or twice when I hit the soft dirt surrounding the things. It took hours, but I see smooth road ahead. Yes. I made it.
Wait, another sign. DETOUR. “Just great.”
“Would you like me to drive?”
“No, Lord, it’s okay, I can do it, but thanks.”
I just need a job
I make my way into some little town. My car starts to sputter and dies on the spot. “Now what?”
“You need gas.” The Lord pulls my attention to the gauge. “Shall I fill it?”
“That’s okay, I just need a job, put some bucks away and then I can be on my way.”
Did I just hear the Lord sigh? No, that’s not likely. “Try that little shop.” He tells me, so I do, they hired me on the spot. A temp job, perfect, I can work for a bit and be on my way in no time.
Years later, money in hand, gas in car, and I’m ready to head out. “Where to now Lord?” I did learn one thing, that he should direct me, and I should do my best to listen.
So many voices
A long narrow road which disappears around a corner. Doesn’t look inviting. People look at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “No, you don’t want to do that. That road will lead you to a dead end.”
“Thanks, but that’s the path the Lord wants me on so that’s where I’ll be going.”
“You’re nothing but a dreamer.” One man stated. “You best stay here and do what you’re good at, it’s all you’ll ever accomplish anyway.”
Lies becomes my truth
Somewhere deep inside I know the man speaks the truth. I believe him but won’t tell him that. My stubbornness kicks in. I bid them all farewell, get in my car and drive. I hit more detours, more bumpy roads, and more road blocks that forced me to stop and wait for things to be cleared.
“Would you like me to drive?”
“No, Lord, I can do this, but thanks.”
I should have listened
Suddenly the road ends. Just like the people warned me. I should have listened. I get out of the car and stand at the edge of what appears to be a large gorge or a canyon. Night has fallen. No stars fill the sky. Dark clouds roll over me. I walk along the edge, looking for a way over. It’s useless.
I turn and walk off, not paying any attention to where I am or where I’m going. I just walk. Defeated. The man in town was right. I’m just a dreamer. I should have been content with the shop, forgot about my dreams, and not followed after some foolish, unreachable destination. “I can’t do this.”
“Give it up.” Demanding voices come at me; from where, I can’t quite tell. “You are never going to make it.” More voices, raising in volume. Within me? No, it can’t be. I turn in circles searching, but I see no one.
“You’re a worthless, foolish dreamer.”
One voice above the rest
Clouds start swirling above me, trees blur, the ground trembles, but I remain motionless. The sound of countless voices screaming at me and taunting me. They’re right, of course. Although I won’t admit to it audibly, inwardly, I understand it to be true.
I drop to my knees. “I’m a failure.”
“No.” One voice, different from the others, rose above them all. As tears course down my cheeks, I search for the source of that single voice. It sounds familiar, like an old friend. I should know who it belongs to, but I can’t quite place it.
He was there all along
A man in simple white clothing gets out of my car and approaches, kneeling in front of me, staring at me intently.
“Why were you in my car?” I ask.
“I’ve been with you all along. You just didn’t see me.”
The voices become frenzied, I can’t make out a particular word, because there are too many. I plug my ears and scream.
“Where are the voices coming from?” The man asks me.
“I don’t know, but they’re destroying me.”
“Where are the voices coming from?” He asks again.
“They are everywhere.” I collapse and curl in a fetus position and cry.
Realize The Truth
He lays his hands over my ears. The voices grow quiet. He takes a small vile from his pocket and presses it underneath my eyes. My tears. He wants my tears. I’m astonished as he puts the lid on the vile and tucks it inside his shirt, close to his heart.
He stood and spoke with an authority I had never heard before. The clouds roll back at his command. I uncurl but stay on the ground. The stars reappear, the trees and earth grow calm. He knelt, and once more lays both hands upon my ears.
He repeats, “Where are the voices coming from?”
I push myself to my feet, look to the skies and ponder his question. There is no one else around. I gasp and drop to my knees. It was me. The voices came from me. I believed the people who spoke them. I let each lie become my truth. Some who spoke them have long since passed from this world, yet I still believe them.
“The voices came from me,” I answered.
God is driving now
He placed his hands on my cheeks, lifting me. “I am the Lord your God. Listen to my voice. In time, with much work, you will no longer listen to them, nor pay them any mind. “He took me to the edge of the canyon and pointed to the far right. A rocky, narrow road led down into it. Barely wide enough for the car. Oh my, it was steep.
“I can’t drive that.”
The Lord smiled and held his hand out. “Would you like me to drive?”
September 28, 2018